Growing Up

Not a lot to say today. Sometimes less is more. I’ve been thinking about a line in The Holiday where Kate Winslet says something to the effect of, “And after all that, however long all that may be, you’ll go somewhere new, and you’ll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again, and little pieces of your soul will finally come back.” I’ve been waiting for my soul to come back. There are times that I think my soul is almost glued back together, and then something causes my heart to crack and I bleed all over again.

But then there are days when I can see the healing taking place. One such day was Thursday last week. Even though I got a terrible migraine around 4:00 in the afternoon, I spent time with two of my coworkers. We fell in love with Richard Madden and once again set our hearts on being princesses. I may never be as beautiful as Lily James, but I am determined to wait for a Prince Charming who will think I am.

Friday was a stressful day. I was trying to get a project done–shooting a music video. I was able to spend time with a dear college friend who has supported me through my difficult relationship mistakes. I met someone new who has an uncanny ability to make me laugh and forget all my inadequacies. And once again I was reminded of the necessity and the freedom of being real.

Sometimes reality means that my head is exploding, and I have to get drunk on fresh air and loud moaning in order to feel better. Sometimes reality means I go to work without putting makeup on. Sometimes reality means I walk all over a university campus in the rain and soak my only pair of flats. Sometimes reality means I feel awkward. But I’m not going to try to be what somebody else wants me to be when God made me the way I am for a reason.

Deal with it.

*The photo is me sick with a mohawk somewhere thirty miles outside of Greenville.

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