So Many Thoughts in Such a Small Container

On Thursday night I went to Clemson to watch Peter and the Starcatchers. Although the play was great (I am a complete nerd. If I were a high school speech teacher, I would have taken copious notes of all the choreography and line designations to later adapt parts of the script into a choric speaking piece), I am not a huge fan of Peter Pan. He swears that he does not want to be an adult and that he only wants to be a boy and to have fun. Me thinks he doth protest too much. I’m glad that at least this version of Peter Pan admitted to his grown up side. Peter is (according to all versions of Peter Pan) on the brink between grown up and boy. I think he wants to be loved unconditionally by someone. He wants Molly, Wendy, Jane, and however many other females characters he meets to love him. But he doesn’t want the responsibility. So basically Peter never gets his happy ending. He gives up what he wants to have something else he wants more. But he really never gets over what he wants (love) because every version of Peter Pan plays up on how he craves romantic love. Okay, that’s fine, but he’s definitely not a little kid so don’t pretend he is, please.

I am definitely on the side of Peter though when it comes to not wanting responsibility. That’s the scariest part of being an adult for me. I have a natural aversion for money. I like saving it, but I don’t like spending it or keeping track of it. Every month I finally get around to recording all the money I spent that month. But I never reconcile my bank account, which apparently is really important. Reconciliation was my goal for this weekend. After returning from a disappointing spa day which I spent with Mary Kay, I checked my bank statement and discovered that I had accidentally spent approximately $121 on some movie website. Well, there’s no one to blame for that but myself, and that’s really frustrating.

But spending money is scary no matter how much money I have when I am facing change. Good change, but nonetheless, still change. Here’s my “planned” future in a nutshell: I’m going to Europe for ten days in May (and spending lots of money as you’ve probably guessed). I’m leaving my job as an editor in August to pursue my master’s degree (and spending lots of money in order to do it as a town student). I’m trying to make decisions about insurance, internships, and endocrinologists. And I’m looking at having to make these decisions and pay these bills with no money. Yeah, sometimes I hate being an adult.

I tend to overreact when I’m upset. I guess I’m like a steamroller. When I looked at my budget tonight, I really wanted the world to end. Sometimes it’s good to pursue your dreams. If the world were to end right now, what would you want to be doing? Who would you want to be with? But sometimes it’s good to remember that the sun will set tonight, and tomorrow will be a new day. And I will have another chance to learn from my past mistakes. Thankful for God’s grace that is new every morning.


One thought on “So Many Thoughts in Such a Small Container

  1. Think of all the wonderful change God had built into his creation.Seed, plant, blossom, seed. Baby, toddler, child, teen, adult and old age. Seasons, time, health, friends (not that we always have new ones, just that people themselves grow and change). Embrace this stage of life, the freedom to know God, follow dreams, and yes, become a grown up:) Would you like me to message you about the wonders of London? It is a marvelous city with fabulous public transportation and lots of museums with free admission. Currently it rates as the city with the highest cost of living in the world, Elizabeth and I did our best to keep our costs down. Good thing taking pictures is free!


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