Week 4 Day 6: I Crashed. Or maybe I’m just playing hard to get. No. I know that’s what I’m doing. But it’s not because I want to be gotten. Far from it. Actually, I would be content to go live like Ernest Hemingway and contemplate “Hills Like White Elephants” for the rest of my life. But, alas, I have to go to work in the morning. And what a day it will be: I have three meetings just in the morning!!! (and class in the afternoon). And then, glorious day, a night all to myself! Mwahaha! I know that at the very least I need to make egg casserole. I’ve been promising my sister that I would all week.
Today was much better than yesterday. I woke up sick but felt better by rehearsal tonight. I think with every play that I act in, “I hope I learn something earth shattering that will help me become a better actress.” I never do. But I learn other lessons that are just as valuable, if not more so. When I was in Pride and Prejudice, I learned that being in a play will never make me happy. When I was in Macbeth, I learned that you need to become friends with your fellow actors and actresses. Now I am learning that the most important lessons you can learn come from the life stories of the people you act with. God has blessed me by allowing me to be a part of this production, mostly because I am getting to know my Aunt Dolores. Throughout this last month, people have messaged me, encouraging me to look to the examples of women like Mary Slessor, Gladys Aylward, and even some single missionary women I know. But I don’t want to be like any of them. I know they are “ordinary” women. But God has given them a calling that is “obviously” furthering His kingdom. It’s easy for me to look at women like that and say, “That’s why God wanted you to be single. You have a great ministry.” God hasn’t given me a burden to go overseas. (If He has, it has everything to do with running away and nothing to do with sharing the gospel.) I just want to be normal. In many ways I want to be forgotten. I want to live and experience…and mostly write, I guess. I want to be like this woman I am getting to know, my Aunt Dolores. She is wise; she is kind; she is funny; she is talented; she is using her time and her talents; she is content; she is thankful. When people look at me, I don’t want them to say, “Well, it makes sense that she’s single. Because she has a ministry.” I want them to say, “—–” because I am so happy with where God has me that no one notices I’m single.
Meanwhile, I am looking forward to going out for a spa day.