Week 1 Day 2: What? I was never desperate enough to Facebook stalk. I let my mom do that for me. So, once again, the assignment wasn’t a hard one. I decided to avoid Facebook all day…just so that I would feel like I was making a positive step. Today was hard. I kept myself plenty busy–went to a seminar on sex trafficking at my church and had a girls’ night out (with cheese fondue, tiramisu, and lots of nail polish).
But it’s the little parts of the day that discourage me, when my brain has space to fill in the cracks, and I have to work hard to bring every thought into captivity. The hardest part for me is hearing everyone else’s opinions about what I should do and how what I chose to do is wrong. And in the back of my mind, I know that everything that’s happened is all my fault. I’ve tried for four years to fix all the mistakes I made when I first met Fishie. And I can’t ever fix it. I’m not good enough.
But that’s where God’s grace comes in. I will never be perfect, and I may feel like no one understands or loves me. But my Savior does. He came to earth and died to save me from my sin when I was running far from Him. He pursued me. I can rest in that love knowing that His love for me will never change. And He will never lie. If that’s all I gain from this heartache, it will be worth it.